Pushing the envelope

So I finally did something that pushed to far for me to skirt it off at work. Time to lay low for awhile and be a good employee for a bit. Got reamed today for a mystery shop from last week. Don't remember the person or the time but apparently I didn't smile, greet, ask for card or to come back again but I did get them through quickly and thanked them. Which gave me a 57%. Mind you this probably would have just been a good tongue lashing from my boss but no.

She just recently was at a meeting in which she got the big bosses to look at one section of the mystery shops. Our outside pumps we can never get a hundred percent as the help button doesn't do anything inside to alert us. They never installed a system so we always fail that check. So my boss got the president of the companies son to look into it. Talking up how good we do in inside shops and then I had to get a 57%. So yeah I got really chewed into and all that. So time to put on my happy face for awhile at work and grit through it.

Other news nothing new in the job hunt for something better. I keep putting in apps and keep not hearing anything back. Watched the A-Team movie that was pretty good. And really just gearing up for March for the road trip to Missouri for Fear the Con. More on that another day. Im heading out now though. Time to work on a dnd game.

Caffeine deprivation go!

So as part of a biggest loser thing at work that will help me push and actually lose this weight I have given up caffeine and soda in general. While this is good in the long run (I will eventually probably drink some again I know) going cold turkey so to say is starting to get to me. Its even worse while at work and people keep buying soda and I have to ring it out. The other adverse effect is I can't stay up nearly as well as I used to and am passing out a lot from sleepiness.

If I can manage to accomplish 50 pounds in 6 months ill be happy. I am targeting 110 off total is where my happy weight will be for myself. I mainly really wanna lose some pants sizes so I can wear comfy jeans again and not have to shop around at certain places. Well thats all I got right now sleepy and wanna pass out.

Feelings askew

I try to follow a regiment of ideals that I created for myself. A code or honor which I'm sure many do. Even if what they choose to follow is wrong to that person it will always be right by them cause that is the standard they set themselves up to. This past year I have spent learning to greater harness my powers of perception and manipulation to get inside peoples head more. I feel this has left its mark on me as well.

One of the things I'm known for is my patience. With this patience comes many things both good and bad. On the good side it allows me to listen, understand, assess situations, learn to tolerate and see the other sides of things. The other was to hold out hoping that something good can come of things. The bad side is it leaves chances to miss opportunities, allowing people to do things that I normally wouldn't allow, and above all it passes through my white knight complex I have been trying to remove. My sense of hope for things has twisted finally. A few months back after seeing the hate and bilge that passes for comments over stuff I can't see how we as a nation can climb out of this mess.

I grew up hearing you better get good grades so you can get into a good school. I kept that up til around high school as that's when I started to get more freedom and I used that to branch out. I graduated with a 3.0 GPA and tried to enroll in University of Toledo. Went through everything got accepted and during orientation about a week or two before I would start I learned I couldn't afford to go. This left me devastated and the rest of that year I went through a rough time of wasting time and with my best friend gone into boot camp I secluded myself. A good thing came out of that though in a friendship that I have held for almost 5 years now with someone halfway across the country.

Spring came and with it college. I went through three semesters at Stark State and that turned out to be even worse as I had a job, a credit card and freedom. Well that ended horribly financially and academically but those years I had a lot of great experiences. A lot more happens in the passing time but I'm starting to wind on and that can be for other stories. The main point I'm getting at is I am at a loss as to what to do. I can't get a better paying job unless through luck or connections. The state of this economy makes it hard for people with degree's to get a job I don't have a degree and that restricts a lot without someone giving me a chance. I have spent the last 3 years at a job I took to get out of another job and the past two I have not even been progressing in that since I haven't gotten a raise or a review in them. Most people would get angry and move on I haven't.

The worst part is I never and thought about it because it was hours and money. I just came in put up with the shit I had to, try to have fun where I can and did my job. I may have been late a bit but I haven't missed a day in over 2 years other than 3 medical excused days. I don't call off, I teach other people, I work overtime and other stupid shifts to be dependable. Yet all I get told is how my customer skills are declining, i'm becoming insubordinate. I don't know what I should do anymore. Now with my new car I can't take chances in not being able to pay my bills because someones name is on the lease with me.

I don't really mind doing any type of work, I learn quickly and efficiently. Even if its not what I want to do I will do it because sure if I could do something I love and got paid for it that would be great. But really work is just a means to go out and experience life and lately its becoming really hard to do that when I get to choose between paying bills or eating/going out once a month/etc. This whole thing has my entire psych warped and I have people telling me if the things I want are not here then go get them. Yet my fear of losing everything after I rebuilt them over something that may not work keeps me here.

That's all I got right now, sorry if its a little disjointed still pretty new at this and haven't written in awhile. I just need something to release tension for awhile so I hope to keep it up we shall see.